Where to find me on social media
...you can't.
That's because in 2012, I deleted my Facebook account and never went back. In 2015, I deleted my Twitter account—and admittedly went back twice—and permanently deleted it the following year. And just two days ago I deleted my Instagram account. 5600 followers and countless photos, conversations, memories gone in an instant. Why did I do it?
A couple of days ago I was praying and I kept feeling the urge to check Instagram. And it hit me, how many times per day I open it up, how I live and die by the little orange ticker that shows new likes and followers, and how often I refresh my profile to see the numbers go up—it was like a game to me.
And as I prayed, I got this overwhelming feeling, like, are you willing to give up your following to follow God?
Social media fuels my need to be liked, my desire for popularity, and my craving for approval in a way that nothing else I've ever encountered could. It game-ifies life; the follower count isn’t some arbitrary number, to some people it’s a scoreboard. When we see someone’s profile, with all the amazing places they’ve been and all the cool things they’re doing, we’re not seeing their day-to-day life, we’re seeing their highlight reel! So we’re tempted to fashion identities in an effort to keep up, that are disingenuous at best as we put on a face on for the selfie-cam. David Bazan said we’ve become a people who live in rigorous defense of our own identities. That makes me so sad.
It's scary because I'm not generally a needy guy. I don’t need constant validation in the real world but when I see that I've gained 10 followers I get such a rush! Social media also competes for my time and attention, demands that I look at things a certain way, rewards me when I compromise my views to satisfy the crowd, and fosters envy in me. I know I’m not alone in this. If you’re being honest with yourself you feel it too.
To borrow a phrase from Seth Godin, social media has become the engine of our discontent. He writes:
When TV first was adopted, it was a magical gift. The shows united our culture and the ads fueled a seemingly endless consumer boom.
Today, though, marketers have turned television into an instrument of dissatisfaction. The shows alienate many, because they bring an idealized, expensive world into the homes of people who increasingly can't afford it. And the ads remind just about everyone that their lives are incomplete and unhappy--unless they buy what's on offer. Worse, cable news is optimized to shock, frighten and divide the people who watch it.
Social media can amplify all of these downward cycles. It's TV times 1,000.
Don’t get me wrong, I fully recognize the value of social media as a tool for connecting people across the globe, for sharing ideas, for collaborating, for disseminating vital information. I just think that, as with any other good thing, we have to exercise moderation.
For me, I’ve made the decision to stay away altogether. It was an idol coming between me and God. I bashed it to show him that he is Lord of my life. You might not struggle with social media on the level that I did. I still think everyone would benefit from a social media break. To that end, here are a few suggestions. I call this a Digital Detox:
Log out Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and delete the apps from your phone. They'll still be there when you come back. Take a break and then add them back one at a time. Don't let yourself feel an obligation to appear on these platforms, if Twitter for instance doesn't add value to your life or bring you joy, you won't miss a thing by deleting it altogether.
In your Contacts app, make a 'Friends & Family' group. Turn on Do Not Disturb for all calls and texts except the ones from this group. Callers who don't fit your Friends & Family category can leave a message. The fact is, most emergencies aren't.
Remove email apps and your email address from your phone. Instead of checking your email throughout the day, designate a time and place to check messages and make checking messages your priority in that moment. If you're anything like me, you might receive one email worth reading in every 10,000 messages that compete for your time, attention, and money. Find a way to filter spam and advertisements from your email inbox (there are a million ways to do this, several great tools out there). These advertisements in endless supply aren't just wasting space on the cloud, they're attacking you. You read that right! They exist to make you feel inadequate. The jacket you bought last month is old news, now you've got to have this jacket. And though you just bought a pair of Nike's, you need to see these new, Kanye-designed Boosts. Each advertisement is vying to collect you, to arrest your attention and catch you in a never-ending cycle of discontentment. Each advertiser gets paid when you take action: A purchase, a trip to the store, a coupon redeemed (you might get 15% off that jacket but everything is 100% off when you don't buy it) or even just a single click—any action you take, no matter how small—validates the advertising industry and pays the advertiser. Filter all of that out.
After filtering all of the advertisements and spam, take a look at your remaining messages. Who's emailing you? What do they want? Are they soliciting or sharing? Is it your boss, your clientele, your friends or family? Could they call instead? Consider making a separate email address for professional use, only during business hours. Now that spam and advertisements are filtered out, your boss is emailing your business-only address, and your friends and family are calling instead, you can check your email once a week. Or once a month. Or once a year. If there's an emergency, they'll call you. The fact remains, most emergencies aren't. Another best practice here: Set expectations with friends, family, coworkers and customers as to your availability up front.
Delete all 'casual browsing' apps: Shopping apps, Pinterest, Reddit, Tumblr & other blogging platforms, any app with which you might mindlessly scroll to kill time. Delete all games. Your 'clan' will soldier on without you, your fingers will find new places to tap and rap without the satisfying crush of pixelated candies beneath them, your Angry Birds might mellow out now that you aren't tossing them around so much. When you're gone, you will not be remembered for how many Pokemon you caught. Your loved ones won't remark on how high your Jetpack Joyride score was.
Delete all news apps. If something important happens, you'll hear about it. The fact is, most emergencies aren't.
Delete all apps that you haven't used in the last 90 days, or that you don't expect to use in the next 90 days.
Delete all video apps, but if you simply can't do that, then place all video, TV, and movie apps (YouTube, HBO Now, Netflix, TV, Hulu, etc.) in a folder on your phone. You can access this folder once per day, to watch one video per day. For example, you could watch one 5-minute viral video, one 10-minute tutorial, a single episode of that TV show you'd otherwise binge on, a single movie, or a long lecture. Some people may want the quick-fix of a short, silly YouTube video. But this practice may also train you to seek out videos that add value to your life.
Identify your most used app and find something to put in its place. If your fingers instinctively go to Snapchat the moment you open your phone, put the Kindle app in Snapchat's place. You'll be surprised to note how many times you check Snapchat each day and you'll be jarred just a bit each time you find a book in its place. Read a few sentences each time this happens, it will feel like punishment at first but may add value to your life in the long run.
Never text and drive.
Never use phone in bed. The bed is made for two things, neither of which are enhanced by a smartphone in your face.
Never use your phone at the table. Be in the moment, be with your partner or your friends, invest in people, look them square in the eye.
I hope you'll do the Digital Detox and comment below with your thoughts. I've done it now three times, each time for about a month. I found it to be a rich experience—I read more, thought more, wrote more, had more energy, slept better, didn't worry about missing out on things at all, didn't feel like I had to make each day 'gram-able. It was refreshing.