The river ebbs, flows

Life ebbs and flows like a gentle river. When you begin to fall--experiencing an elevation change--the river of life picks up speed. Then you hit a rocky place, and the falling river becomes a rapid whitewater. It’s dangerous territory; it’s easy to get dragged under.

I’ve been dragged under.

Many of us will forever mark our lives by terms like, ‘before-COVID’ and ‘after-COVID,’ because of the unprecedented nature of that global event. I’m blessed. I didn’t lose anyone close, though we did lose about fifteen people as a church-family. But I came back home, set up a home office, sold my Jeep, took that money and paid off the remainder of all of my debt, and then... then I was kind of lost. I had accomplished everything I set out to do so long ago, my big goals: I lost 60lb., I was debt-free, and I had simplified my life down to just a backpack of clothes and two guitars.

I was living my minimalist dream, fast and agile, my whole life packing away in a single Mono Classic Dual bag.

But I found that I still wasn’t satisfied. I was nervous, early on, about COVID. I was worried for my family. Because I paid off all of my consumer debt, my credit score actually went down rather than up. I didn’t have any debt on file with which creditors might assess. That meant that I couldn’t buy a new car, not right away, and I didn’t need a car anyway, as I was staying at home 24/7. The agile, minimalist life I had built was of no use because I couldn’t travel. The year before COVID, I took fifteen or so flights to five different places. Then I was grounded.

For us, COVID lasted just under three years. A lot can happen in three years. I worked alone all day every day. I bore the stress of caretaking for my grandmother on mornings and weekends (she lives with me now). I experienced a break-up, a relationship with someone I really thought was the one. I stopped going to church for the longest time; I don’t think we met for over six months, and then, I had a car accident and laid out even longer. I spent a week in the hospital.

Life just got out of hand. I was dragged under.

In those three years I reverted back to stress-eating and not working out, not taking care of myself. I gained back much of the weight I had lost. Having nothing to do at home, I started buying back all of the guitar pedals that I had sold when I was on a minimalism kick, simplifying my professional guitar rig. I probably spent $20,000 altogether, maybe more, on gear for my home studio. I went back into debt for some of it. I’ve got about eight grand in consumer debt again.

Here’s my hope, continuing the whitewater river metaphor... have you ever been whitewater rafting? There’s a lot of good rafting and kayaking here in the Smoky Mountains of East Tennessee. Anyway, here’s my hope: Always, just around the bend, the river slows to a gentle flow and lets you catch your breath.

I’m catching my breath. I’m also re-committing myself to my core values as a man: Presence, purpose, people.

Presence: Awareness of my body, awareness of the Spirit, awareness of the room, awareness of others; conscious, loving awareness of my mind.

Purpose: Everything has its essential purpose. I don’t hold on to anything that isn’t needed. Everything serves a practical purpose; I have only one of everything, no two tools to serve the same purpose. I store up my treasures in heaven, where moth can’t spoil, and thieves can’t steal. A return to a life of simplicity.

People: Leaning in. Don’t shy away from folks; invest in community. Be others-first and focused.

As part of my value on presence, I’m going to start exercising again, feeling in-my-body. I’m going to begin with yoga and stretching, breathwork and meditation. To build back some strength I’m going to do a minimalist work-out from a book that’s great, called Kettlebell Simple & Sinister. It’s just kettlebell swings and power push-ups.

As part of my value on purpose, I’m going to sell some guitar gear, go through my closet and donate a lot of clothes and shoes, and clean up my home studio to get it really working perfectly for recording here at home.

As part of my value on people, I’m re-committing now that COVID is over to start volunteering again at the local shelter, to go to church weekly (which I have been doing now for several months), to return to a growth group at church, and to reach out and call a couple of buddies each week. I want to really invest at work too, to do my job with excellence.

Imagine, what a difference in my life a year of doing these things will make!